Jon Thomas is a terrifying 22 year old hermit with fingernails that branch out like a morbid tree. His skin is transparent, and it's rumored that if you can ever sneak a glance at him in his decrepit cabin on the shores of lake berryessa you can see a alien baby dewlling deep within his huntchback. His horrifying screams can be heard over the lake at night. A pair of demon vultures circle the cabin at night, watching for intruders, so beware.
Actually, very little of this is true. The hunchback baby, for example, is very untrue. The fingernails, however, is disturbingly true. Jon Thomas is the half brother of Chris Saito. He plays guitar for The Phoenix Foundation, and the bass player for Living in Disguise. He is a very nice young man, except for the fingernails.