Epic Quad Battle Numero Cuatro is the hope that one day — preferably June 5, 2008 at noon — the Armies of the North and South can once again meet in glorious combat. It will hopefully be the successor to Epic Quad Battle 3. The event was formally cancelled by the administrators of the facebook group. These students implore their peers not to show up.

However, The Evil Empire is trying to put down this rebellion once and for all. They will be sending their police to ensure that all students who so much as brandish a pool noodle will be arrested and tried for crimes against the State. They have already decreed that all of those who administer the righteous armies on the Book of Faces shall subject to a lawsuit for prior injuries in campus.

However, this situation is untenable. This great tradition shall not be squashed by the Empire. Bring your pool noodles to campus — and some tape and posterboard to put a sign of protest atop it! Against our righteous forces, the Empire stands no chance!

From our general:

Epic Quad Battle Canceled!!!!To members of Epic Quad Battle Numero Cuatro Adam Von BoltensternToday at 5:51pm I have got an email from Fred Wood saying the event is not to happen and discipline actions will happen for anyone who shows up.Feel free to message me your email if you would like a copy of it to review for your own pleasure.


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2008-05-18 00:20:22   How can they even arrest people? What laws have been broken? It is so cool to see and pretty awesome, I plan to skip class to watch :) —BrandonBarrette

2008-05-18 00:27:09   I dunno — it's a public place, so pretty much all uses are subject only to time, place, and manner regulations. I really don't see how it would be any worse than Football or Rugby. I really see this as a cool new UCD tradition — much more voluntary than Tank Rush, too. I can't believe they're going to stop it. —BrentLaabs

2008-05-18 09:03:34   I can't wait to see the police march in on the ARC and shut down the gym and start a lawsuit against those sunovabitches that run that injury factory on campus. Also, when are they going to arrest and confine those harbingers of doom that toss an ancient symbol of accidental death? —JabberWokky

2008-05-18 11:26:25   Would someone please provide a source to corroborate this? I have seen nothing other than rumors that indicate the university cares one way or the other about Epic Quad Battle. Obviously police are going to be there because there will be a lot of people, but police routinely patrol events with large crowds and this doesn't mean they're going to arrest people who bring pool noodles. —JeremyOgul

Brent is the source. He knows a lot of people in university administration. -wl

2008-05-18 14:27:31   Last year there were injuries in EQB 3. People tucked in pvc pipe or metal rods with the pool noodles and instead of a soft harmless toy hitting your body, you have a lethal weapon hitting your body. —SimonFung

2008-05-18 15:35:20   Amtgard might be a good resource for ideas. —JabberWokky

2008-05-18 16:24:15   sadly I have this image in my head of a ucd police officer getting swarmed by a pack of noodle wielding southerners and bad things happening..

but still, screw the man, go on with the plan. ROCK OUT WITH YOUR NOODLE OUT —StevenDaubert

2008-05-22 20:36:42   Are there any viable routes of action we can pursue to challenge their decision? —AlexKistner

2008-05-22 20:42:42   Sure, Alex. You can write a letter to Fred Wood (fewood@ucdavis.edu and request that they reverse their decision. Be sure to emphasize that this is a campus tradition.

Second of all, you can attend the Epic Quad Protest to make sure that they understand that we want our Epic Quad Battle back.

Some of the organizers are working on moving it to Toomey Field, but that just isn't as cool. It would also require the organizers to take out large quantities of insurance. I really think that this University is far more concerned with risk management than it is with education. —BrentLaabs

2008-05-23 18:38:56   so If I attend the quad battle, is SJA gonna pwn me? —StevenDaubert

2008-05-24 11:15:16   Where can one purchase said noodles of doom? —SunjeetBaadkar

2008-05-25 20:48:47   for a dollar at the dollar store? —StevenDaubert

2008-05-26 22:48:52   I believe I know the reason why the administration is so dead set against the battle. Last year someone had to be taken away by ambulance. Ambulances cost money. If someone is seriously injured, the school could get sued. It's a money issue. However, if necessary, why don't people go off campus. The park in downtown is off campus property and that way the school will not be liable for any injuries. —Jedron

2008-05-26 23:52:49   Apparently the university did get sued — http://www.theaggie.org/article/880JeremyOgul

The university did not get sued. The article was wrong. —OscarSabino

2008-05-27 00:07:54   Wow. I didn't know that. One thing about the Epic Quad Battle from last year that really stood out in my mind was the enormous number of guys in speedos and capes. If they had tried that one year earlier before 300 came out, everyone would have thought they were very weird. Please, let's not do the speedos again this year. What has been seen cannot be unseen. —Jedron

2008-05-27 23:31:57   I bet you its Suzie Miller and her Keep Davis Boring henchmen that are really behind this cancellation. —RobRoy

2008-05-28 21:16:42   Wow, Epic Quad Battle being canceled? Lawsuits? This is too bad. It was a fun tradition when I was at UCD. Hope it gets sorted out. —PS2

2008-05-29 23:47:15   "Discipline actions?" That's reminiscent of threats that cutting class in high school would go on your "permanent record." Still, they could force offenders to do community service or something. Naturally, they wouldn't round people up at the event, but would identify offenders via their beloved facebook braggings. Alternatively, if they wanted to get some good PR, the UC could start tazing all people wielding noodly appendages. —CraigBrozinsky

2008-06-24 15:07:54   I just found out that the injured student did not sue the University — his family simply asked the University to pay some medical expenses not covered by insurance. I still can't believe UC Davis is so yellow-bellied. —BrentLaabs we live in a litigous society, and the few always ruin it for the many —Daubert