What the Davis police do to you to determine if you are drunk:

  • Follow their finger with your eyes
  • Reach out with your pointer finger, and then touch your nose with your eyes closed
  • Take 9 steps, toe to heel, do a 3-point 180 turn, and walk 9 steps again
  • Quietly and with your eyes closed, estimate the passage of 30 seconds
  • Stand with one-knee raised for 30 seconds (they will test both legs)

During this whole time, they will attempt conversation with you, like "Where were you tonight?" "Was it pretty crowded?" "How good are their drinks?" It sounds like they are trying to be your friend, but it's a way for them to tell how coherent your speech and thoughts are. So be cool, and if you really are drunk, discipline yourself to speak only with words fewer than two syllables.

It will take about 15 minutes, good enough time to piss your pants. Sometimes, they'll breathalyze you at the end, rather than at the beginning of the test.


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Bandsmen familiar with the Hiber Drill should be able to do the last one sober or not. It helps if you yell "Yoooo!" when you do it. - AllisonEriksen